A Sex Video That Will Surprise You - Girls Going Wild in the Red Light District
Keep watching till the very end. It’s bloody brilliant, not to mention very moving.
Who makes the fantastic leap from being sick, or gaining some weight over the winter, to a conclusion of plastic surgery? Our culture, that’s who. →
The Conversation about women’s bodies exists largely outside of us, while it is also directed at (and marketed to) us, and used to define and control us. The Conversation about women happens everywhere, publicly and privately. We are described and detailed, our faces and bodies analyzed and picked apart, our worth ascertained and ascribed based on the reduction of personhood to simple physical objectification. Our voices, our personhood, our potential, and our accomplishments are regularly minimized and muted.
As an actor and woman who, at times, avails herself of the media, I am painfully aware of the conversation about women’s bodies, and it frequently migrates to my own body. I know this, even though my personal practice is to ignore what is written about me. […] Over time, I matured into the understanding that good and bad are equally fanciful interpretations. I do not want to give my power, my self-esteem, or my autonomy, to any person, place, or thing outside myself. I thus abstain from all media about myself. […]
However, the recent speculation and accusations in March feel different, and my colleagues and friends encouraged me to know what was being said. Consequently, I choose to address it because the conversation was pointedly nasty, gendered, and misogynistic and embodies what all girls and women in our culture, to a greater or lesser degree, endure every day, in ways both outrageous and subtle. The assault on our body image, the hypersexualization of girls and women and subsequent degradation of our sexuality as we walk through the decades, and the general incessant objectification is what this conversation allegedly about my face is really about.
[…]
That women are joining in the ongoing disassembling of my appearance is salient. Patriarchy is not men. Patriarchy is a system in which both women and men participate. It privileges, inter alia, the interests of boys and men over the bodily integrity, autonomy, and dignity of girls and women. It is subtle, insidious, and never more dangerous than when women passionately deny that they themselves are engaging in it. This abnormal obsession with women’s faces and bodies has become so normal that we (I include myself at times—I absolutely fall for it still) have internalized patriarchy almost seamlessly. We are unable at times to identify ourselves as our own denigrating abusers, or as abusing other girls and women.
I hope the sharing of my thoughts can generate a new conversation: Why was a puffy face cause for such a conversation in the first place? How, and why, did people participate? If not in the conversation about me, in parallel ones about women in your sphere? What is the gloating about? What is the condemnation about? What is the self-righteous alleged “all knowing” stance of the media about? How does this symbolize constraints on girls and women, and encroach on our right to be simply as we are, at any given moment? How can we as individuals in our private lives make adjustments that support us in shedding unconscious actions, internalized beliefs, and fears about our worthiness, that perpetuate such meanness? What can we do as families, as groups of friends? Is what girls and women can do different from what boys and men can do? What does this have to do with how women are treated in the workplace?
I ask especially how we can leverage strong female-to-female alliances to confront and change that there is no winning here as women. It doesn’t actually matter if we are aging naturally, or resorting to surgical assistance. We experience brutal criticism. The dialogue is constructed so that our bodies are a source of speculation, ridicule, and invalidation, as if they belong to others—and in my case, to the actual public.
[…] Who makes the fantastic leap from being sick, or gaining some weight over the winter, to a conclusion of plastic surgery? Our culture, that’s who. The insanity has to stop, because as focused on me as it appears to have been, it is about all girls and women. In fact, it’s about boys and men, too, who are equally objectified and ridiculed, according to heteronormative definitions of masculinity that deny the full and dynamic range of their personhood. It affects each and every one of us, in multiple and nefarious ways: our self-image, how we show up in our relationships and at work, our sense of our worth, value, and potential as human beings. Join in—and help change—the Conversation.
Feminism and the Disposable Male
Okay, I agree with a lot of things in here, but the generalizing needs to stop right there.
”we fully expect that, if it comes down to a man and a woman in a burning building and you can only save one, the expectation is that you choose the woman every single time”.
No. No, ‘we’ don’t. Who is ‘we’? society? Because last time I checked society was made up of a pretty massive bunch of people, and I’m going to guess that quite a lot of people (myself included) would not feel the need to differentiate between gender when saving a person from a burning building. Because that’s what we are. People. Humans. You might assume it’s the right and proper thing to do to save the woman, and you might assume that the whole of society (‘we’) assume that it’s the right and proper thing to do.Courtesy of a recent post by flossbucket:
”So upon much thinking and many tumblr posts read and thought about, I have worked out why I am hesitant to call myself a feminist.It’s the name. It implies that I am fighting for my rights, because I’m a woman. And that I’m fighting for other people’s rights, because they are women.
And that’s not true. I want to be treated with equality and fairness because I am a human being. Because I am a person.
If you want to judge me, for better or for worse, judge me on my actions, not how I was born.
(I agree with most of what most feminists stand for, but the name has never fit, and this is the reason)”
This is what I’m talking about. The ‘feminists’ you are talking about aren’t really feminists at all. We are not pushing for more attention than men because it’s just not what feminism is about. And the name spoils that. Go back to feminism’s roots and you will find that it all started with wanting equal pay. Equal rights. Equality.
“one life, more valuable than another, and the woman wins every time.”
No. Don’t you see? This is what we are trying to change. We don’t want females to be seen as better than males, or less than males. Can’t we all just be human? I’d like to know what the hell you’d do if you had to save either a transgender person or an intersex person or what.
We are HUMANS.
Pure, living, dying animals. And sure, you might be attracted to just men or just women or both or neither but in the end we’re all just humans and that is what the feminist movement inspired. Equality for females because damn, being oppressed wouldn’t be very fun at all. It was women saying NO to oppression.
So they decided to call themselves ‘feminists’ because why wouldn’t you? Why wouldn’t you, in times like those, want to stick together under one banner and one name, because you felt threatened before and you were not going to put up with that shit any longer.” You know, the patriarchy smashers, those righteous avengers of equality”
You speak about fighting for equality like it’s a bad thing.” Feminism’s greatest victories have only reinforced in everyone that society still owes women provision, protection, help and support just because they’re women.”
When? Where? Originally it was for equality. I proudly call myself a feminist and I don’t want help and support just because I’m a woman. If I need help and support I want it because I’m a human in need. I don’t expect men to open doors for me, I don’t expect to be paid for when I go out places because I’m female. About the only thing I expect when being female is that I am going to fucking bleed once a month.
”In its collective dismissal and abandonment of male victims of domestic violence it only reinforces in men that it’s pointless for them to ask for help because men’s needs are of no relevance, and their fear and pain don’t mean anything to anyone. “
I’m sorry, but no. When did this happen? When did every single feminist across the entire planet ‘dismiss and abandon male victims of domestic violence?’ Because I sure didn’t.Now I’m going to go to these two:
“You know, the patriarchy smashers”
”We made our way as humans through a really harsh history and we became the dominant force on this planet, and one of the reasons we were so successful is because we have consistently put women’s basic needs first – their need for safety, support and provision. “
To put patriarchy simply: it valued people, because of gender, over others. That is ultimately what patriarchy is. But I understand, because that is how things were done and it wasn’t thought of twice.
But there is this thing. And it’s called evolution.
We have made our way as humans through a really harsh history. But the bashing of feminism needs to stop because the entire idea behind feminism is equality.In relation to Flossy’s earlier quoted text: We need a new name. Because obviously a lot of people can’t see past the ‘fem’ in feminism, and look deeper into what it all stands for. Women calling themselves feminists and believing themselves to be better than men, or whoever, because they are female do not deserve to call themselves feminists. Because being a feminist means fighting for equality.
The human race will continue to learn, grow, evolve. Why bash feminism when it stands for equality? I think yes, we need a new name for it, but its values are okay with me because I am completely fine with gender equality.
We need equality for humans, everywhere. Regardless of gender or race of financial background or religion. There is no point in bashing another human’s beliefs if all they are pushing for is equality for all humans. “Feminism” may not be an appropriate name anymore, because the human race continues to evolve. But I still believe in its main and original goal.
And that is equality for all humans, everywhere.One: Yes.
Two: Thank you for quoting me :)
Three: A few side notes on all of this, related and unrelated to the original post.
~
Saying what ‘society’ thinks is always dangerous, because no-one is ever going to think the same thing. But then again, there is peer pressure, and a lot of unjustified opinions and incorrect facts are spread quickly among people without the resources, time, or interest to educate themselves, which is a shame.
It would be interesting to do a survey on it, of random members of the public, but the ‘would you save a man or a woman from a burning building question’ is one I’d like to see statistical results for. Because while equality as an idea is becoming more and more prominent, there are still lots of people who one, have little opinion on the topic, and two, would say the woman, because that’s what they think society would expect. And I would be very interested to see where the statistics lie on a question like this
~
On feminism as a word (again!): The people who are doing it properly - as in, raising awareness of gender issues and inequality, and working to try and fix that - know perfectly well that the concept of feminism has changed since it began. Instead of men having the power and women having little and needing to change that, we are at the point where there is still an imbalance, but it negatively affects both men and women, sometimes for different reasons and sometimes for the same.
But there are also the people who don’t quite get that the focus has changed, and they are also calling themselves feminists. This is also the group that a lot of people think of when they hear the word ‘feminist’. The problem arises when there are two groups under the same name who are actually focusing on achieving different thing, no matter how subtle, and that’s is confusing, and makes it difficult for progress to be made.
And because of this, I think something like gender egalitarianism is a much better term, because the focus isn’t on women, it’s on equality no matter what the gender.
~
I think that’s all I have left to say, as Unicorn did a very good job at it, so I’m just going to end with her final words again, because they were so accurate:
We need equality for humans, everywhere. Regardless of gender or race or financial background or sexuality or religion. There is no point in bashing another human’s beliefs if all they are pushing for is equality for all humans. “Feminism” may not be an appropriate name anymore, because the human race continues to evolve. But I still believe in its main and original goal.
And that is equality for all humans, everywhere.
Re: above video [transcript/original post]
I can’t say agree with what you’ve written here. I assume in your first paragraph you are referring to the old “women and children first” line of thinking. That wasn’t because anyone believed women’s lives to be more valuable than men’s lives. It was because in an emergency it was thought to be believe that men were more able bodied and and capable of surviving than women. Women and children were thought to be equally helpless. I realize that in a crisis situation, one might argue that women got the better end of the stick because they were the first to be rescued or protected, but be careful here. In every day life, a woman were still thought to be as weak, as foolish and as helpless as a child. Women were infantilized constantly. That’s how patriarchy viewed men and women. Men were tough, smart, strong, dominant, able bodied, powerful and women were weak, physically, mentally and emotionally. In order to prove to society that men are people, they just have to be. In order to prove to society that a woman has worth, she has to work to overcome misogyny and patriarchal oppression that aims to keep women in their place.
Feminism does not ignore how the patriarchy negatively affects men, nor does it want to bury it. When men are victims of domestic violence, they deal with a different set of demons. They are told that they are not supposed to be beaten up by women. What kind of man are you if you let a woman dominate you? Men are supposed to be powerful and strong. If you admit to being beaten by your female partner, you hardly get to call yourself a man. If you’re not a man, you’re weak. you’re fragile. you’re a woman. This is what is at the root of this particular problem. Patriarchy demands that masculinity hates all things feminine. That’s why when so many men want to insult one another they call each other “pussy”, “bitch”, or “sissy.” All words that derive from the feminine. Feminism aims to deconstruct misogyny and redefine gender roles, to redefine what it means to be a man and what it means to be a woman. As a feminist, I do want to dismantle the gender role than men have to be aggressive,strong, dominant, powerful and most of all not feminine in order to be men. I want to stop forcing women into tiny boxes and demonizing them for their choices, for their sexuality, for demanding respect. Feminism does not hoist one sex above the other, but it does demand to be heard. As a woman, I should be able to speak about something that affects me and other women without men interjecting every single time to tell me how it affects them or that my experience isn’t valid.
Feminism and the Disposable Male
Even today in 2011, we fully expect that, if it comes down to a man and a woman in a burning building and you can only save one, the expectation is that you choose the woman every single time. So honestly: whose humanity are we placing above whose here? We’re not talking about going to work, we’re not talking about getting an education, we’re not talking about having the freedom to decide what you want to be in life. And we’re not talking about getting to take taekwondo. We’re talking seats in lifeboats here. The person in the lifeboat is going to survive no matter how capable or incapable they are of managing their own life, and the person going down with the ship is going to die no matter how independent, self-sufficient and awesome he is. That’s the equation: one life, more valuable than another, and the woman wins every time. So honestly, is there any argument, anywhere, that women’s humanity has always been held in higher regard by society than men’s. To be important to society, a woman merely has to be. A man has to do in order for his life to have any meaning to anyone other than himself.
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And that brings me to feminism. You know, the patriarchy smashers, those righteous avengers of equality, dogged dismantlers of every single gender role. What exactly feminism is doing to dismantle this traditional role of the disposable male? Feminism’s greatest victories have only reinforced in everyone that society still owes women provision, protection, help and support just because they’re women. In its collective dismissal and abandonment of male victims of domestic violence it only reinforces in men that it’s pointless for them to ask for help because men’s needs are of no relevance, and their fear and pain don’t mean anything to anyone. Feminism teaches us to put women’s needs at the forefront of every single issue, political or social – whether that issue is domestic violence law, sexual assault law, institutional sexism, social safety net, education funding, homeless shelters, government funding for shovel-ready jobs that didn’t stay shovel-ready once feminists got wind of them. Everywhere you look – everywhere you look there are feminists pushing their way to the front of the line, demanding women’s “fair share” of all of the goodies, the good stuff, the loot, the booty, the cookies. Even if women don’t need it, even if women don’t deserve it, and even if somebody else needs it and deserves it more. And they get it. Because we give it to them.
Feminism has done nothing but exploit this dynamic of the expectation of men to put everybody else before themselves, especially women. Women’s safety and support, women’s wellbeing and women’s emotional needs always come first.
This is the most stunning piece of society-wide manipulative psychology I think I have ever come across. Feminism has been on the down-low with old school chivalry right from the start and they might seem like strange bedfellows for sure, but they’re not because both concepts are built on a firm foundation of female self-interest. We made our way as humans through a really harsh history and we became the dominant force on this planet, and one of the reasons we were so successful is because we have consistently put women’s basic needs first – their need for safety, support and provision. It was in humanity’s best interest for women to be essentially self-interested and for men to be essentially self-sacrificing, but we don’t need that dynamic anymore. I mean, our species is in no danger of extinction. We’re 7 billion people clogging up the works here! What’s the worst that could happen if we all just collectively decided that men were no more disposable than women and women were no more valuable than men? In fact, the greatest danger I see to us right now is that in our desperation to bend over and give women everything they want and everything that they say they need, we’ve unbalanced society to the point where we’re just in danger of seriously toppling over.
And really, the only difference I see between the traditional role and the new one for men, with respect to disposability, is that maleness, manhood, it used to be celebrated, it used to be admired, and it used to be rewarded because it was really fucking necessary, and because the personal cost to it to individual men was so incredibly high. But now? Now we still expect men to put women first and we still expect society to put women first and we still expect men to not complain about coming in dead last every damn time. But men don’t even get our admiration anymore. All they get in return is to hear about what assholes they are. Is it any wonder they’re starting to get pissed off?
“Do you think that your 16 year old daughter hasn’t masturbated already? Like, do you really think there’s anything in that scene that this chick hasn’t already tried when the lights go out at night, or in the bathroom, or in the tub, or with the shower head or something like that? I’m telling you, man, I’m not teaching this broad anything new.
If I were to create a rating system, I wouldn’t even put murder right at the top of the chief offenses. I would put rape right at the top, and assault against women. Because it’s so insanely overused and insulting how much it’s overused in movies as a plot device, a woman in peril. That, to me, is offensive, yet that shit skates.”
- Kevin Smith, This Film Is Not Yet Rated
